Sad.

My family-cat, Socks, died today. He was 13 years old. He pretty much always looked like this.

If Only All Advice Used the Word "Asshole"

This is the kind of advice I'm hoping to get for my marriage (via The Slackmistress):

On your wedding day, you're going to get all sorts of advice, but there's always going to be someone who says "don't ever go to bed angry." If you don't go to bed angry, you might not get any sleep. And it's never a good idea to argue when you're exhausted. So I'll say this: when they're acting like an asshole, just remember: they're your asshole. That's the asshole you fell in love with, and you still love. Don't forget that part.

Preparing for David

We've got 17 months until our wedding, but I'm trying on wedding dresses on Monday. Martha says I don't have to start looking for a dress until I reach the 6-8 months out bracket, but since we've decided to elope, I don't have much else to do (find a beach, rent homes, buy Dustin a suit, hm, what else?). I'm taking my mom and mother-in-law with me, along with print-outs of a few dresses I like. But other than knowing where I'll be and at what time, I have no idea what to expect. When I made the appointment, the salesperson said I'd have my privacy invaded (remind me to shave), and that it would take about 2 hours to try on dresses (remind me also to chow down on some granola bars).

After scouring their website, so far, I'm really attracted to lace and A-lines. If it's too poofy and princessy, or if it has too much beading, I almost know I'll hate it. But just for kicks, I'm trying on a super poofy one, just to have the picture. I can be a cupcake bride, at least for 10 minutes!

These have been more my speed, though, in no particular order, though I do think the second one and last one is my favorite so far:






This is either going to be awesome or tortuous, but I'll post pictures either way.
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A New Plan, and the Comfort That Comes With It.

Dustin and I have been thinking about our wedding since the day after we got engaged (okay, so it's been mostly me thinking about our wedding--Dustin's excited to get married, but he pretty much doesn't care what color flowers he'll wear in his boutonniere).

Our first thought was to have a mostly traditional wedding in our hometown--wedding, reception, with cake and a first dance and photographer. But the more we got into planning, the more research we did, the less settled we felt about our plans. As much as we were excited to have a hometown wedding, with all of our friends and family in attendance, nothing felt right. We couldn't justify spending the money it would take to create the wedding we wanted. We didn't feel right limiting some family and friends to save money, especially when so many lived in our hometown. We couldn't decide on venues, on vendors, on how we would accomodate out of town guests when we would be out of town guests, too.

So we've changed our plans. We've decided to elope, immediate family in tow. At first, Dustin was worried that I would regret not having a traditional wedding. I was worried that Dustin would miss having all his fraternity brothers, WoW friends, and fellow Geek Squad Agents in attendance. But once we talked it through, we realized that as much we love our extended family and friends, there just isn't a way we can pay for a wedding that would accommodate them all.

So instead, we're taking our parents, grandparents, and siblings to a beach in Florida, where we'll spend Thanksgiving week in rented beach homes. We'll get married early in the week (who says weddings have to be on Saturday when it's just your family?), and while I'm sure we'll eat dinner together that evening at a nice restaurant, our "reception" will be the Thanksgiving dinner our newly combined family shares together. Other than getting married, that's what I'm most looking forward to. Thanksgiving has always been our favorite holiday, and I can't think of a more perfect way to celebrate our marriage (wow, that sounds good to my ears).

We've had this plan for about a week now, and already, we feel so much more comfortable with our wedding. There isn't the nervousness or the doubt. We feel good knowing our families will be there, and that we can treat them (and ourselves!) not to a day of stress, but a week of vacation. We feel good knowing that we're saving money to pay off our student loans and save for our first home. We finally feel like this is the wedding we should be having.

Words of Wisdom

from a friend of Dustin's:

"Being married is much more important than getting married."

Hear, hear. (Or is it 'here, here.?")

School Days Inspiration

I've always been skeptical about Martha Stewart anything, but I signed up for her Weddings site, and I'm so glad I did!! She features such gorgeous weddings, and today, I found the most perfect little wedding. Minhee and Truman had so many great details, and while Dustin and I are going for more of a literary styled bash, "school days" touches fit into that so well.

All images below were found on MarthaStewart.com, and are not my property. Thanks for sharing the wedding love.

I just love this photo of the bride and groom--so perfect, especially since they met in 4th grade! Dustin and I met in a Shakespeare class, so you can see why I'd be drawn to these kinds of touches.

This is their invitation suite. From MS: "In keeping with the school theme, letterpress invitations, maps and reply cards were printed on vintage notebook paper by Minhee's company, Paper + Cup. Attendance reports asked guests to indicate who was coming. All the components slipped inside a small manilla folder printed with the couple's names and address label peek through the outer envelope." We won't have the funds to pull together such a large, detailed suite, but we've got a DIY surprise (along this same idea) that will knock your geeky socks off. We promise!

Um, LOVE THIS SHOT! A requisite posed shot of the bridal party without being awkward. So completely framable and playful!

And don't you just love their seating card table? I was already planning to use apples as my "seating card," but instead of stickers and graph paper like this:
I'm planning on using tipped pins to attach scraps of paper--reminiscent of those impromptu bookmarks and notes Dustin and I passed in class.


And how's this for a guestbook idea, huh? Guests all scribbled on the flippable chalkboard, had a polaroid snapped of them in front of their message (it's like the coolest photobooth idea, ever!!!!), and placed it in a vintage accountant's ledger:
I mean, how PERFECT is that idea? Too bad the Polaroid is no more. I wonder if someone will make a Polaroid v2.0. (Please???)

Okay, last image, I promise. I just had to share their favors! School supplies in a brown paper bag. Practical and cost effective:

I am completely in love with this wedding. A lot of the details would need to be tweaked--we'd mature some things from 4th grade to classic literature to better reflect who we are as a couple, but considering that we met in school, and are both going to be educators (Dustin as a high school teacher, myself eventually as an American literature professor), incorporating our passions into our wedding decor just seems so natural and easy.

I absolutely LOVE it when I run across a wedding that is just so full of inspiration--but this one has definitely been the one closest to what I'm envisioning (with rustic BBQ and beer currents thrown in!).

Weddings are not Contests.

I read a lot of wedding planning blogs. I'm a regular reader of OffBeatBride.com, and I've subscribed to Martha Stewart's Weddings and The Knot. I occasionally flip through wedding magazines in drugstores, and I've got the planning books.

There are a lot of people out there who have ideas about what weddings should be like. And I'm not sure I agree with most of them.

For instance: today, I read a blog post about engagement rings. I won't mention the source (though it's a widely known one), but the author was talking about the recommended budget for the engagement ring (apparently, it should cost the equivalent of two month's salary). The author was linking to another source, but included on the blog were "charts" of engagement rings. In one box, all the rings a graphic designer could afford, in another, all the rings a lifeguard could afford.

This seems absolutely ridiculous to me. When I knew Dustin was looking at rings, I begged him not to spend too much. He told me how much he spent, but I can't remember the cost! And I don't care to. I just know that Dustin picked out the ring he thought I would love, he gave it to me out of love as a symbol of our love, and the cost wasn't his main concern. When I look at my ring, I'm certainly not thinking about how much he spent on it, or whether or not he was over or under the so-called "two-month" rule. I just know I love my ring, and I love him more.

A couple of weeks ago, another blogger was writing about her problems with nailing down a specific place to honeymoon. At first, I thought I'd be able to relate to this person--Dustin and I are wavering between Germany, Asheville NC, Hawaii, Tahiti, London, and Maine for our honeymoon--and we have new ideas every week it seems. But our indecision is coming from our desire to travel everywhere, and only having 1-2 weeks and a limited budget to do so. This person was debating traveling somewhere because her curly hair might look frizzy in a humid climate.

Now, I'm not judging this blogger--but something has obviously gotten in the way of seeing her honeymoon clearly. Some message about weddings and honeymoon has gotten to her, and it's getting in the way of thinking about a honeymoon as what it should be--a time of togetherness, a time of rest, a time to be in love.

A few years ago, while a friend of mine was planning her wedding, she kept repeating that she wanted her wedding to be the one that people compared all other weddings to. She wanted hers to be the best, the most fun, the one everyone wanted all other weddings to be like.

So often, all the blogs and magazines, and ridiculous TV shows tell us that weddings have to be fairytales. Honeymoons are supposed to be the most romantic week of your life. I'm not a cynic, but I realize that there will probably be a drunk person at my reception. The hem of my dress will get dirty, and the caterer might be late with cold food. In all likelihood, I am going to spill food all over myself. On my honeymoon, I'm going to be too tired to have a wedding night of fireworks, the drinks we're served will give me gas, and we're going to wake up with terrible morning breath. I'm not expecting perfection. I hope I can do as I do every day, and laugh at life's foibles, enjoying them.

Sure, Dustin and I are planning for a wedding that most people won't see as immediately different from all other weddings. We're going to have a first dance, with food and drinks, and probably favors. We're having to consider issues like finances and practicality. But what I hope Dustin and I can achieve with our wedding is to keep it true to us. I hope we don't let our wedding planning get in the way of what it really is--a celebration of our comittment to loving each other. I certainly hope that I'm not using my wedding as a marker of our paychecks, or a popularity contest, or anything else that isn't about celebrating who we are together.